Gusto ko mang malaman kung bakit pasulpot-sulpot siya e di ko magawa. Palagi nalang akong pinahihirapan nito. Hindi siya mawala-wala kung kailan ko gusto. At kung hindi ko rin siya kailangan (dahil hindi ko naman siya kakailanganin) e nandidiyan lang siya at nakakapit… sa balat ko.

Kainis. Kating-kati na ko. Gusto ko talagang kamutin. Tiningnan ko na ang mahiwagang lalagyan ng abubot pero nang buksan ko ang takip ng bilugang container ay simot na simot na ang laman. Napabuntong-hininga nalang ako at kumamot ako muli.

Ano ba kasi ang nangyari nanaman? May kinain ba ko? Wala namang masamang epekto siguro ang burger sa balat. Ah, oo. Umulan nga pala ngayon. Heto nanaman sa biglang paglamig ng klima—sumulpot nanaman siya. Bwisit talaga sa buhay ko to. Dahil dito, malamang ay hindi na talaga ako magsuot ng mini skirt sa labas ng bahay.

Pag nawala naman siya kasi ay nag-iiwan ng masagwang marka… sa balat ko. Iisang lugar ang pinaglalagyan at pinag-iiwanan niya ng marka. Peklat na hindi na rin maiibsan ng kung anumang whitening solution o cream na ireseta ng Dermatologist. Wala na talagang pag-asa, doon at doon lang din naman siya sumusulpot.

Ganito nalang ba tayo palagi?

Okay, B, kung mabasa mo man to ay alam mo kung sino ka. Ba… hehe. Di ko na sasabihin, and if ever na magreact ka mas magiging obvious na guilty ka (Nyahaha!). Anyways, since kanina mo pa ko ginising sa mga banat mo ngayong gabi e nainspire rin akong dagdagan ang ever honest Multiply blog ko– this one kasi has a few masking techniques and kulang nalang talaga na banggitin ko yung names ng mga guys involved dito sa posts ko (they are quite a lot). Bago ko tapusin tong blog post or rather bago ko icontinue, let me clear na yung inspiration ay GALING SA SINULAT NI B and not directly coming from B himself. Oh, hehe baka lagyan ng malisya to. I repeat, hindi ako nainspire dahil kay B as a person (but I’m not telling you all na hindi kainspire-inspire si B. Inspiring kaya ang mga storya ng Fness nya. Oops. I’m telling too much na). Anyways, pinahanga na nga nya ko sa sinulat nya (hands down na) and so I will write my utmost feelings and girly annoyance sentiments na nais kong ipahatid (kundi man directly e indirectly) sa isang taong inakala kong ayun na nga pero in the end, narealize kong wag na nga.

In layman’s terms and not in my weird wordplays, I was disappointed. Not by that person, but by the way my reactions go with his actions. Mas malayo, right? Anyway, let me relay this para finally this won’t bug me and make me sleep. I will also be posting this in my FS Blog for public discernment (yes, I know, wala talagang paki ang tao sa Multiply ko).
This started way back in February. Midmonth. Sometime before the LR3: BTF (again, let me quote that acronym from B). Let me just tell this in a shortcut manner kasi whenever I try to put this into clearer sentences and phrases, I feel this eerie feeling in my chest. I myself can’t understand it. So to protect the two people involved, I won’t be mentioning their names (I don’t exactly know the other naman eh) nor mention anything that people related or knowing them will easily understand.

Here’s how it goes: I was so blinded by someone’s PREEMPTIVE DENIALS and so I believed it by about 78% already. Yes, I was so close to giving up everything, every single thing I hold since January of this year. I also planned to fully believe this someone, not until there was a mistake I DID: Guess what, I found out something I shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have, meaning MUST NOT also. Shouldn’t have because it PROBABLY WOULD and REALLY did make me feel something bad. Something is in the pit of my stomach. And it reacts very badly as time goes by… I managed not to be in the super intriga mode and let it be, because I still had this 78% remaining that time, which lowered to 69.

Days passed by and I was introduced to Facebook apps and the like. I loved it. I became part of almost everything in it. And so was Plurk, I became enslaved to it. So was that someone. And so I browsed timelines and the like. I didn’t like what I read. I closed the lid. Okay. So that was something. Something I DID EXPECT, but not at the moment when everything seems smooth. So I tried to procrastinate from the devil me. But still, the bitch inside of me won’t let go of it. I tried not minding it by removing it from my Plurk timeline. Didn’t work for me. And so, it followed that the earlier incident makes sense. After some time, the timeline was gone. It was also gone in my system. I let it go. I forgot… BUT NOT FOR A LONG TIME.

Just recently, I ran across something in FB that I don’t know why I did. Okay, that was malabo, pero I won’t clarify to protect identities. Anyway, I was disgusted. My hunches and all the gut feelings made sense again. Ooh. A little of that word. Anyway, I looked it up, and alright I said to myself. This would be another blow. It obviously lowered to 20%. And after some SMS, it decreased more. -49%. Haha. That’s interesting. I kinda suggested it anyway. But then denials came by. Flashback. There was also the preemptive one. And so it goes, it happened. What can I do? I was right, but of course it wasn’t that sure and accurate. I checked all things and still I can’t get away with it. The SMS thingies made my mind turn something like 360 degrees. I would want to forget it. But then, look at me now. I’m back as an insomniac.

The worst thing?

I am back, writing specific implied nonsense for those who do not understand and not related, and simply nothing to those who are not ME. Okay, so this is so confusing. I intentionally did that, and also quite unintentionally, because my mind is as obscure as my OUTPUT: This blogpost. I end this post saying, don’t believe even the person that is supposed to be your confidante, and trust your feelings. With feelings, forget the lovey lovey part, and make sure it’s the gut one. It works a lot, although it misleads more. Just be like Conan and assure yourself that “Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu!”: THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH!

Whether the truth is contrary to what I will hear from someone, I don’t mind anymore. Still, I stick to my wrong beliefs and jumped at conclusions– those without ACTUAL are by far more real to me, especially when they have IMPLIED evidences. Weird. Weird. Never mind.

The last time I was this hooked in a browser game was 2 years ago, when I decided to return to Newgrounds and Neopets. I was also in to Miniclip but then I stopped, because I don’t have a proper net connection those days. Now that I met Mafia Wars, my world changed. I always have something to look forward to everyday. I have some time killing sprees and also strategic thinking even a little. Mafia Wars really completed my day. Although I was branded as a War Freak because of this, I don’t mind. Maybe I really am. I was just annoyed because I didn’t have the chance to level up when my laptop caught a virus and was not working for 4 days. Aw. I do feel bad about it. But then again, it’s vacation and it’s time to be an addict. That would be all for now.

Mahirap ang resurrection lalo na kapag sa isang non-living na bagay. Halimbawa, mga nasirang gadgets gaya ng mobile phone, PC, at iba pa. Kung marestore man ang ilan, hirap namang ibalik ang dati nitong estado. Sabagay, ganun din naman sa tao. Pero, mas masarap ayusin ang gadget kesa sa taong mukha namang walang pag-asa. Anyways, namimiss ko yung dati kong Windows Live Writer kung saan perfect ang layout ng FS blog ko dun. Ngayon, di raw nya madownload yung settings kaya eto, nagtityaga ako sa walang kwentang default layout nya. Kainis. Mamaya ittry ko ulit. Haay naku. Haay naku talaga.

Sige since wala ako sa mood magsulat nang maayos e itutuloy ko nalang ang pagbblog mamaya. WLM muna ko.

Windang

Ito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ala-una pasado na’t gising pa ako. Alam kong may nararamdaman akong masama sa katawan ko, at ubo pa ko nang ubo.

At eto na nga’t sinasayang ko ang oras na dapat ay tulog na ako sa pag-aanalisa kung paano mapapabilis tong bwisit kong Desktop PC. Kung hindi lang siya sentimental e pinaghahampas ko na siguro to ng dos por dos kanina pa…

Naaalala ko noong high school, madalas ito bukas ng gantong oras. Dami kong kachat–sino pa ba edi yung mga nakasama ko rin buong maghapon, yung mga kaklase ko rin. Hindi na kami nagkakasawaan. Biruin mo, sila na kasama mo sa room ng 8 hours, tapos sila rin katext mo pag-uwi at ang mabigat don e kachat mo pa sila hanggang oras nanaman para pumasok? Sobra. At mga mukhang bangag kami pagdating ng classroom.

Anyways, may hinihintay akong importanteng bagay ngayon. At hindi siya biro.

Dapat sana kanina pa siya dumating e. Naiwan pa sa Mega. Haayz. Ito ang sulat ko para sa kanya:

Dear Hazel-PC-Reborn,

Di ko kayang mabuhay nang wala ka. Hindi ko kayang isiping mawawaglit ka ng isang segundo sa tabi ko. Hindi ko rin kaya na wala ang screen mo sa bedside ko. Namimiss ko ang iyong init… ang mistulang heater ko sa malalamig kong gabi… Ang halos magoverheat mong katawan…  (hehe labo!)

Nang iniwan mo ko ng 3 beses, akala ko tuluyan ka nang mang-iiwan. Di pa pala, at heto ka’t sinira ko nanaman… I’m so sorry… Hindi na kita iinstallan ng mga kung anu-ano basta-basta… Ichecheck ko na rin ang updates mo palagi. Hindi ko na sasagarin ang volume mo. Hindi na rin ako magiinstall ng free antivirus. Sana mapatawad mo ako… *cries*

I MISS YOU, Hazel-PC-Reborn!! waah!

Love,

Hazel

Awat na nga. Mukha na kong tanga. Kulang lang ata talaga ako sa tulog.

I know I have been posting and relating to this blog about the dreams I encounter and vividly remember. And also, I have said the line “weirdest dream” for the nth time. But this time, allow me to prove that this has been yet another of the weirdest dreams I’ll have in my entire lifetime.

As I waited for the BBF Megaup download tonight, this dream I had last night suddenly came into my thoughts.

Again, the dream has no proper sequence. All scenes are consistently random, and they do not make a sense at all. But it has distinguishing themes per part, so I really can’t forget it. Like the scene for instance that I was being called by a Prof to assist her in her… Alcoholism. Yup. To protect the identity of the Prof, I won’t mention her name…

The other vivid scene went before that. I was being called by a surname of someone close to me, but then again I wasn’t paying attention so my classmate tapped me and said, “Ikaw kaya yun!”. I glanced at them, and realized, yes, I was the Mrs. _____ the Prof was calling. Ooh. Talking about marriage and stuff. I guess I wasn’t ready for that.

Anyway, the dream has no specific ending but another scene that was just like inside my 141 class. Room 201 I guess… I better not mind this, since tonight I’m going to have another dream—hopefully not as weird or weirder as that. Maybe less weird.

As I was texting my boyfriend about random things such as Plurk’s 

(funkydance), he made me realize something about those social networking sites, and all that. Yup, he gave me an instant idea. Tonight, I’ll write about it. It’s what I term as the Internet Pyramiding Scheme. This is what we locally term as “social networking”. How does it work? Well, you all know that. Starts from spamming your friends’ emails and of your online pals as well. Then the email spreads and sometimes, it will send multiple times. Of course, there’s also the pyramiding within the pyramid already. This applies to FB games, and FS app invitations. Yeah, this is quite true, but haven’t we realized that it’s something like this? I bet you did, and I will elaborate on it.

So why does it bother me now?

Basically, it’s quite normal for us already. When we play games or apps, we have this option to “invite” friends or to skip, and also when we create new accounts, and more exactly, we receive them in our mails (mostly in the spam box). But then again, we do actually “bite” into these. Curiosity hits us and then we can’t stop clicking. It’s like a new fad or something, and we automatically will join. Peer pressure? In stuff? I dunno. Anything could be a reason, and it actually varies.

Some people I know could resist these social networking knickknacks. I do believe they have a relative good net discipline and self-control. Oh yea, good luck to us who continue to be slaves of the “links”, “invites” and the rest of them. May we all be in peace. I can’t say anything now. I guess I’ll just have to sleep…

Today, the 15th of March, I experienced something new… in my face!

Just yesterday, my BFF asked me if I’m free today. So I answered yes, and asked why. Then he replied that he’ll be treating me to a Derm Clinic for Diamond Peeling. I had second thoughts on going (o yes, I had!), but then with his say, I finally agreed. Oh yea. And I had to undergo the process just earlier this afternoon. Here’s how I went through it:

1. First was the Facial Steaming, accompanied by chikas and that.

2. Next was the massage, with some cream on it.

3. Then here’s the painful part, wherein the blackheads, pimples, and other elements were… extracted from my face. I bled.

4. After some tears, the aesthetician was sorta bothered by my bushy eyebrows, so she took the liberty of “arranging” them for me.

5. After that, I had my face rubbed by another cream, and sponged too.

6. This one’s my favorite part: the Seaweed Cream. Here’s how I looked like:

God, I looked like a yuurei here!

7. After some drying time, me and my dude C had this photo op together (sorry I have to post this! We look brilliant anyway! :D)

Oh yes, that’s us in our yuurei looks. Scary, ne?

8. Finally, the cream was removed with warm water and sponge, then followed by cold water to lock the pores back.

9. And voila! I had my face cleaned… and pricked! XD

Like my friend John said, “Beauty is Pain”. But then again, I didn’t came for beauty. Just the pain. Just kidding, this has been a pleasant experience and bonding time for us anyway.

Next month, I think I’ll be going back again.

Special thanks to Ate _______ (I forgot her name!) and of course, to my BFF, C.

**My hair still smells like barbecue grill smoke**

I’ve been missing out a lot of things lately. When I tried to read some of the things I’ve never seen before, my whole world tumbled.

I never expected to see something like that… well, relatively, it’s on a page about it. Something like this. A Blog.

Just yesterday and earlier, I noted that it’s a small world, after all. I was in a happy ecstatic mode since yesterday’s Friday the 13th. I kinda had an over-all of a nice day without any loopholes. But then today…

How long has it been? Almost a year? Was that something worth remembering? Yes, indeed.

I guess I should still go with them if there would be something next week. A smile or two, then I’ll just walk away. I just could not believe that what happened yesterday will be today’s end.

I shouldn’t have had false hopes and all.

After all, who is the one unavailable between us? I so could totally agree with my conscience…

There’s a lot of things that we can have, and those that we can’t. Either way, we should stick to those we already have.

MIHIMARU GT GIRIGIRI HERO (ギリギリ HERO)

Shaolin Girl OST (Main Theme Song)

mawari kudoi koto wa yamete
mayoi mo tsurete saa tobikome
dareka ga kimeta RUURU nanka de
katte mo shou ga nai kara

seikaku na chizu nakushite mo
osore mo tsurete saa tobikome
Can You Control yourself, to be a winner again
ii kao wa unzari

muri na jousha wa kiken desu
migi hidari chuui koko kara hajimari sa

*iro asenai jounetsu daite Going On
naki beso kaite se nobishita tte mamoru yo
boku wa kimi no GIRIGIRI HERO

**kaete miseru kinou yori MASHI na Story
hade na KOSUCHUUMU mi ni matowanakuta tte
boku wa kimi no GIRIGIRI HERO sa

wakatta you na kuchi kiite
arigata meiwaku na mushinkei
kokoro no naka dosoku de DOKA DOKA
shinjirarenai you na shimensoka
na no ni hiki tsukerarechau Wonder
itsumo tasukete kurete itan da
kidzukeba boku no eiyuu kimi wa itsudatte Brave

yatte minakya wakannai yo
makkou shoubu saa tobikome
Can You Control yourself, to be a winner again
ashita ni matta nashi

“mokutekichi ni touchaku desu”
mada tarinai.. WAGAMAMA na ikimono sa

iro asenai jounetsu moyase Going on
bukiyou datte kirawareta tte mamoru yo
boku wa kimi no GIRIGIRI HERO

koete miseru kinou yori MASHI na Story
tobenai MANTO kaze ni nabikase nagara
boku wa kimi no GIRIGIRI HERO sa

“jibun dake wa tokubetsu na PLAYER”
nante omotte ima made ikite irya
unubore touzen KETSU ni hi ga
mi no hodo shirazu ee kagen ni sei ya
yume ni mita FIIRUDO ni tatsu to kimeta
koko tsumetai ASUFARUTO
mono to mo sezu kakenukeru
kimi wa yappa HERO

*repeat
**repeat

kanpeki nante iranai
ningen rashiku Let’s Cry
kibun kaete kureru nara
uranai nanka yatte mirya iin ja nai?
daikichi yori daikyou sagaru koto wa nai desho
daishou tama ni wa haraimashou
hekotare oyama no taishou
GIRIGIRI HERO You Don’t Stop…